I've Not Arrived Too Little... Too Late.

Congested thoughts seep from my head…

At last, I’ve arrived- acknowledged... I dare

Consumed no longer by their plaguing thoughts

Fuck every one of them, for I am all that I’ve got.

I guess I learned a little too late

Forgetting the past is what they play.

I do not sing this song…too little too late

To Swallow All of My Pride...

I yearn to move past these feelings, but I am constantly summoned to oblige.
I won’t fool myself in thinking that I could swallow all of my pride.

I Need Sufficient Health Care

...Like Most People Do.

Health Care Reform: Sooner Than Later- Please.

Reminiscence of a Short Telling

This is an old poem of mine, but I wanted to share it with you (no comments/replies needed). Mostly, I am defined by my past, which has led me to become a loving, righteous, self-reliant, educator. But, I also carry those tender memories that allow me to continue forward with a sense of youth-hood. The reason why I laugh a lot, I love unconditionally, and it’s the reason why honesty has been my one true policy. It keeps me (for the most part) worry free… alive without any implications… I am simply just me: loving life whether it’s good or bad, for if it’s bad, I must do something to make me feel better, or I must do something to make it right.

(I’ve printed this poem previously, but it was altered. This is its original form)

A short telling:

Delighted I stand

In a corner obscured by thoughts of childhood memories

Obscured thoughts- by the lashing that ripped open my skin.

Obscured thoughts- by laughter that on that same day was endured

The sun beaming against my face

At no time had I felt out of place.

I understood… this was my fate.

The Volvo that when up in flames

Riding in my mother’s car without a seatbelt,

She truly didn’t care until the cops pulled us over

Soon as he left I became welted all over.

The weekend trips:

Traveling, camping, swimming in the warm southern beaches

Then- back to staying at my Moms for at least a weekend

Hanging out with my baby-bros

My precious siblings- how've they grown?

Grandma picking us up throughout our motherly fights,

after, switching buses throughout the night

Finally, making it home…

I’ve loved my grandma dearly… like I’ve never loved before.

Grandma working 2-3 jobs to provide a living, so much she has taught me

So much… she's got me.

Adoring the man I called father

He was so righteous, in so many ways

He was so loved, how I wish he'd stayed

Watching my uncle, who till this day, I admire

Loving his power- while his spinning inspired

He made me sit throughout the night in the corner of a house party while he spun his records.

Honestly, I didn’t care…cause music suppressed me

I remember how I got made fun of that one time I refused to shower

I poured what ever I could find from the restroom into the sink

I soaked my hair and man, did I stink.

When I sat next to them, they all made fun of me

Now it’s hilarious, but back then they wouldn’t let me be.

Now I laugh… I laugh out tears

Short telling of a life that led me to grow

Short telling of a life, do you want more?

My sweet Great- Grandma and her Scary-Ass Dobermans,

I’d run towards her fence wondering what would come next.

She’d gracefully step outside her place to call off her dogs

I couldn’t understand what took her so long.

They were mean Dobermans, but man, let me say how I loved going over for her oranges.

Her little place filled with ornaments and photos- her scolding me to be more lady-like and continuously asking that I place my shoulders back

I loved the feeling of her soft, tiny, weathered hands.

Delighted I stand with childhood memories the ones I've chosen to keep

Just for a second I'm seriously pain free

Good and bad that’s what I’d seen

My Loitering Feelings and Unwanted Memories

Loitering feelings, unwanted memories, these are the issues that I sanction.

You think I couldn’t function in a cohesive manner.

I can’t stand there reticent because I know that I do matter.

I’ve lived past most grievous situations, but I can’t let go of the strenuous hold…

She once placed me in her world, and since then… I’ve felt so alone.

I’ve always been the inquisitive type, so maybe upon meeting you- I wouldn’t be seen as one who equivocates.

But, I also don’t want to reiterate -The Manifesto That Is Lilian.

So, maybe, someday, I’ll write a book.

And, maybe, someday, you’ll take a look- not at its cover but read what’s within all of my idiosyncrasies, which, in addition, they now have me writing hooks.

I emancipated myself at such a young age.

I needed autonomy from her cage.

Even though I stayed, I must remember- I stayed, so she wouldn’t disseminate her rage.

Loitering feelings, unwanted memories, these are the issues that I sanction.

You think I couldn’t function in a cohesive manner.

I can’t stand there reticent because I know that you do matter.

You don’t mean to impede, but I can’t stand there and have you see me precariously.

I must correct you; yes, I am different from you.

You stand there completely austere, but understand my friend- I accept you, dear.

I can’t be held responsible for what she imposed upon me.

Thanks to her, I was led to a metamorphosis.

Stringently, I can’t forget what led to my alteration.

It’s not something I want to eradicate.

Loitering feelings, unwanted memories, these are the issues that I sanction.

You think I couldn’t function in a cohesive manner.

I can’t stand there reticent because I know that I do matter.

I’ve lived past most grievous situations, but I can’t let go of the strenuous hold…

She once placed me in her world, and since then… I’ve always walked alone.

It's only because you couldn't understand all that I know.

Your Concerns Are Ridiculous, But Your Actions Are Redeemable

I’ve become completely maudlin; I am not infallible, to say the least.
I’ve relinquished everything that I possibly could and then more, and I continue to do this with ease. With that said, I am tired of the regression that most ignorant women are, to this day, causing. Most women can’t grasp the understanding of how lucky we are to be a woman in the United States of America. Yes, obviously, we have overcome many obstacles and made many life lasting changes whether it has to do with challenging laws that led to equal treatment, conquering Roe vs. Wade, or taking care of ourselves in mind and body.
Most women that I meet lack a true form of authenticity. It’s truly sad that women are more concerned about exploiting their selves sexually. Not to mention, most women are very fucken superficial. Really, I mean no disrespect to women that are very secure with who they are, and I praise women that are powerful and contribute to our society, our government and our planet. I am not here to disclose who I feel is reprehensible for our setbacks. Please read the following and reiterate this to yourself as many times as needed. “It’s a travesty that my concern is what men fathom of me. I understand why I depreciate when I use my sexuality to feel acceptance form a man. Finally, it’s a travesty when I act superficially… There are vital/immense predicaments in life than the fucken tedious, absurd things/situations I am concerned with.”
Do something more constructive with your time; women have it easy here in the United States- take the time and compare it to other countries. For example, I ask that you read the struggles that Iranian woman have and have had for sometime.

First example, Sale of Girl Children:

Girl children suffer the worst conditions in Iran today. According to the clerical regime’s rules and regulations, a girl child can virtually be bought and sold with the consent of her male guardian. Article 1041 of the Civil Code provides that ‘Marriage before puberty (nine full lunar years for girls) is prohibited. Marriage contracted before reaching puberty with the permission of the guardian is valid provided that the interests of the ward are duly observed."
It has become common practice to sell or force very young girls to marry much older husbands, giving rise to all sorts of social ills. Adineh magazine wrote in summer 1991: "An 11-year-old girl was married off to a 27-year-old man. The father, who had seven daughters, received $300 for his consent. The morning after the marriage ceremonies, the girl was taken to hospital suffering from severe lacerations to her genitals."
According to the penal code, a nine-year-old girl can be punished as an adult by flogging, execution and even stoning. Given the arbitrary punishments and the virtual lack of due process of law, large numbers of children have been executed, in many cases without being officially charged or even having their identities established.

Second Example, Rape of Female Prisoners

According to a special "religious decree" issued by Ayatollah Khomeini, virgin women prisoners must be raped before execution to prevent their going to heaven. A Guard conducts the rape the night before their murder. The next day, the religious judge at the prison issues a marriage certificate and sends it to the victim’s family, along with a box of sweets.
Tens of thousands of women have been subjected to cruel torture and execution. One method is particularly revealing: the Revolutionary Guards fire a single bullet into the womb of women political prisoners, leaving them to bleed to death in a slow process of excruciating pain. Even pregnant women are not spared, and hundreds have been executed with their unborn children. Many defenseless women prisoners are held in what are euphemistically referred to as "residential quarters" in prisons, where the Guards systematically rape them in order to totally destroy them.
In an eyewitness report, Amnesty International revealed how the small children of many young women in Evin Prison are viciously abused. Witness Helmut Szimkus, a German engineer, told Amnesty International they are kept "because they are an asset to the prison authorities for gaining confessions." Szimkus, who was released after serving a lengthy sentence in an Iranian prison, said he witnessed several cases where Iranian children were tortured in the presence of their parents. "One time these guys [torturers] raped a nine-year-old girl. The parents had to watch. The father shook and rattled so badly that he could no longer sign the espionage confession they put before him."

Third Example, Stoning in Iran: A Medieval Atrocity Conducted In Modern Times

The desperate women forced into prostitution, as a direct result of the regime’s policies, have to endure very harsh punishments, including public flogging and death by stoning. In one case, a religious judge convicted 17 members of an alleged prostitution ring. Among them were 14 brothers and sisters from a single family. Ten women and one man were stoned to death, two women and another man were hanged.
At least seven individuals have been stoned to death in public since Khatami’s election. On August 12, Agence France Presse reported that a 20-year-old woman who had been stoned "came to life" in the hospital morgue. The unidentified woman had been condemned to stoning by Boukan’s Islamic court. After the verdict of stoning to death was carried out, the coroner confirmed her death, but she began to breathe at the morgue.
The penalty for fornication, under articles 100 and 102 of the penal code, is only flogging for the unmarried male offender, but stoning to death for the unmarried female offender. Adulterers may be stoned to death, irrespective of their gender, but a man is buried up to his waist, and a woman up to her neck. Article 119 stipulates that the stones should not be so large as to kill the victim quickly, nor too small to cause severe injury.

Finally, an example of Women in Leadership: Key to Change

What can be done to change this cycle of misery, humiliation and suffering for women in Iran and elsewhere? What is the greatest problem for women, the great deprivation, which overshadows the rest?
The systems based on gender discrimination strip women of their dignity and most elementary rights; therefore, women should direct their energies at eradicating such values and consequent systems. If the phenomenon of fundamentalism is to be uprooted, women must be involved. Today, the grave responsibility of forming a united international front against fundamentalism must be bestowed upon women. This is their historic mandate, because they have the most at stake.
This is a lesson learned through the blood, sweat and tears of the women of the Iranian Resistance. Just as misogyny is the driving force of Khomeini-style fundamentalism, Iranian women have become the driving force of the Resistance against the religious, terrorist dictatorship of the mullahs. Today, after more than a decade and a half of resistance, Iran’s women have taken on the responsibilities of leadership at the highest levels, thanks to the efforts of Maryam Rajavi, the Iranian Resistance’s President-elect.
As Mrs. Rajavi emphasizes, before all else, women must prepare the ground for uprooting gender oppression by engaging in political and social activism. Along the same lines, women must take on the responsibilities of political and social leadership. In the movement for equality, at least 50 percent of the positions of responsibility must be occupied by women. Fifty percent of the members of the Iranian Resistance’s parliament are women. The general command of the National Liberation Army of Iran, the Resistance’s military arm, an all-volunteer, modern armored army, is essentially made up of women. The leadership council of the People’s Mojahedin, the pivotal organization in the movement, consists entirely of women.
Some might think that such leadership is the last stage of equality. I contend, however, that it is a cornerstone to equality. But the leadership of women can only be achieved by intertwining the movement for equality with a pervasive progressive political movement. Nothing can be achieved by a women versus men confrontation.
It should be also underscored that "women’s rights are human rights." These rights encompass all the individual and social freedoms cited in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, according to which women are the masters of their own bodies and feelings.
In a word, women’s activism is the most effective means of fighting fundamentalism. Women must be included in decision-making and political power so that they can implement their will and play their role as leaders of society.

Again, please do something more constructive than caring or abiding to your mediocre concerns; help yourself so that you can help others.